Root Beer Kisses
by PuppyLovex3
Summary: "You didn't know? Kurt doesn't like root beer. He says it tastes weird". A oneshot in which Brittany uses here non-logic to confuse poor Blaine.


_Today will be a good day. _This was Blaine Anderson's internal mantra as he slid his textbook from his bag into his locker. True, he hadn't been able to get his early morning cup of medium drip with his boyfriend, Kurt, because Kurt's brother Finn needed him to drive him to school to pick up his football equipment before class began, but it was all right, because he had the next best thing—a can of cool, fizzy root beer just perfect for this unseasonably warm September morning. While the soda wasn't as cozily warm as his usual morning coffee, or as satisfying without Kurt to share it with, the combination sugar/caffeine _did _give him the wake-up he needed to ace his Calculus exam first period.

"Morning, Blainey-bear!" a soft, feminine voice called from behind him. Blaine turned to see his two favorite Cheerios, Brittany and Santana, strolling down the hallway, pinkies sweetly locked in a gesture of affection Blaine's questionable observation skills certainly didn't miss.  
>"Good morning, Brittany. What are you doing here so early?"<br>"Coach Sylvester called us here for an early Cheerios practice in the gym," Santana supplied. Brittany nodded happily in confirmation. "What are you doing here, Eyebrows?"

Deciding to let the annoying nickname slide, he replied, "I wanted to catch Kurt before class started. I didn't get to see him this morning, 'cause he had to drive Finn to some football meeting before school".  
>Brittany pouted, "Tana, why didn't <em>you<em> come early to see me after _my_ before-school practice?" The blonde girl looked legitimately hurt.  
>"I was at practice too, Britt, remember?" The Latina cheerleader reminded her.<p>

Brittany smiled, satisfied with this explanation. "That's really sweet of you to come early to find him," she said to Blaine. He grinned, but his good mood deflated a bit when she added, "but why would you bother to come when you won't even get in a kiss before the bell rings?"  
>Blaine tried not to look offended, knowing that the way Brittany's words are interpreted and the way she means them in her head, are more often than not two completely different things. "Why wouldn't he kiss me?" Despite the fact that they almost never kissed in school, especially when they had plenty of time to do so on the way…<p>

"Well, you're drinking root beer," Brittany answered with what, to her, probably seemed like perfect logic. Blaine gestured for her to continue, and she frowned slightly. "You didn't…you didn't know? Kurt doesn't like root beer. He says it tastes weird".

Blaine's eyes widened, and he was suddenly hyper-aware of the nearly empty can he grasped in his hand. "He never...he never mentioned that to me, no," he admitted, looking miserably between the two girls. The ear-splitting shriek of the morning warning bell rang shrilly through the hall, and the girls turned to leave.

"By, Blainey-Wainey!" Santana called to him from over her shoulder. "Good luck getting some from Lady Lips today!" With a final smirk, she had turned the corner.

Three periods, two mouthfuls of Listerine, four breath mints, and seven pieces of Stride spearmint gum later, Blaine was sitting in front of Kurt in their AP English class, finally satisfied that he'd gotten rid of the taste and smell of root beer, as well as most of his tooth enamel. He turned around in his seat and leaned onto Kurt's desk, flashing him a blinding bright smile. "Hey, love, sorry I missed you this morning…"  
>Kurt smiled, "Don't worry, it was so thoughtful of you to try regardless." He leaned in closer, then wrinkled his elegantly sloped nose. "Blech, Blaine, what did you brush with this morning? You're supposed to spit the toothpaste out, hun, not swallow it!"<p>

Blaine threw his head back, laughing ecstatically. There was no way Kurt could smell his root beer from this morning! "I'm sorry, I'll be sure to eat plenty of garlic bread tonight, then not brush my teeth, _just for you_". He ended his promise with a playful wink, leaning closer.

Kurt giggled, leaning back so as not to breathe in Blaine's minty-fresh air. "Aren't I lucky to have a guy like you? How about you just buy me dinner and we'll call it even?"  
>Blaine grinned, "It's a deal," before turning around in his seat as their teacher walked in. His mind was racing, <em>Dinner, I couldn't ask for a better opportunity…<em>

"Brittany? Brittany!" Blaine called hysterically as he sprinted down the hall after the blonde cheerleader. She stopped walking, waiting for him to catch up, before she continued down the hallway.

"What's up, my sexy little hobbit-dolphin hybrid?" _Her sexy little…? God, Brittany's nicknames are worse than Santana's!_

"What does Kurt like?"

Brittany laughed, then patted Blaine on the shoulder in a way that she thought was reassuringly. "He likes _you_, silly Blaine."

Blaine shook his head. "No, I mean, what does he like to, like, _taste?_ You know, when he's being…kissed?"

Brittany thought about this for a while, seemingly deep in contemplation. "When we were sophomores I told Kurt boys taste like burgers and dip. He likes to kiss boys, so I guess he likes to taste burgers and dip…"

Blaine thought this was an incredibly odd combination for Kurt of all people to enjoy, but it seemed there wasn't a day in his life when Kurt didn't keep Blaine guessing. Already he was formulating exactly how he was going to give Kurt a kiss he'd really love.

"Honey, I'm home!" Blaine called teasingly as he walked into the Hudmel kitchen, armed with his tools for kissing-bliss. Kurt turned to him and smiled brightly, clothed in what he called, "casual comfort chic", which was really just a pair of expensive yoga pants and one of Blaine's old Dalton t-shirts, not that Blaine was complaining…

"Finn let you in?" He walked past Blaine into the living room, and Blaine quickly followed behind. How could he resist the tempting mixture of Kurt, food, and reruns of America's Next Top Model?

"Yeah, he offered me a turn in Call of Duty: Black Ops if we kept the couple-y stuff to a minimum, but I told him no can do," he informed Kurt, wiggling his eyebrows goofily.

"Well, let's have a look at what's keeping you from your Finn/Blaine bromance, shall we?" Kurt peeled open one of the paper bags to reveal…a container from Burger King.

"Ta-da! I got you the deluxe salad since I know you've been watching your meat intake, trying to shrink your carbon footprint or whatever it is that's keeping you from eating meatloaf at lunch..."

Kurt cracked an almost pained smile, dreading the thought of having to put that glorified fried grass dish into his body, but putting on a brave face only because Blaine looked so delighted to be eating Burger King. "This looks great, Blaine! You have no idea how much I've been dying for some fast food." At Blaine's excited face, Kurt knew he had no other choice. "I'll just go to the kitchen to make sure it's rinsed properly…back in a moment!" He held the salad container gingerly in his hands, and rushed to the kitchen.

The moment Kurt was no longer in sight, Blaine's arms dove into the other paper bags, withdrawing a double cheeseburger from Burger King, and a jar of French Onion dip he'd picked up from the convenience store in town. Without a second thought, he dipped the burger into the jar, and managed to fit half of the sandwich in his mouth in one bite. He chewed furiously, managing to swallow the last of it right as Kurt walked back in. True to his word, he had been sure to rinse his salad very thoroughly.

"Actually, Kurt, I'm not feeling particularly hungry anymore, I hope you're not too disappointed…" Blaine hoped Kurt's mouth would be too busy to eat soon enough.

Extreme relief washed over Kurt's face, "Oh, no, don't worry about me, I wasn't feeling all that hungry myself."

Blaine grinned, "Well in that case…" He leaned over on the couch, steadying Kurt as his boyfriend leaned back to lie down beneath him. He moved his lips to Kurt's relishing in how soft and sweet they were. Kurt, on the other hand, wasn't enjoying the kiss nearly as much.

"B-B-Blaine!" He gasped as he shoved at his boyfriend's chest. Immediately Blaine moved up to give him room, hurt and confusion written all over his face.

"What's wrong?" He murmured, biting his lip with worry.

"You just taste like…yuck, I don't even _know_ what. What on Earth did you eat?"

Blaine looked down at him, perplexed and more than a little upset. "I had a burger and some French Onion dip."

His confusion only increased as Kurt shuddered and began to rub furiously at his mouth with the back of his hand. "Wait, I don't understand, _why_ in the good name of Gaga would you consume something so vile as processed meat and onion dip?"

"Because…Brittany said that you like the way that tastes?" When comprehension didn't seem to dawn on Kurt, he continued, "Well, technically, she said that you like to kiss boys, but that she told you boys taste like burgers and dip, so if you like boy kisses, you must like burger and dip kisses".

Once again, Kurt was shuddering beneath him, but this time, he was shaking with peals of laughter. "_Now_ I get it. But Blaine, I like the way _you_ taste. You taste like medium drip and Stride spearmint, and something that's just uniquely Blaine. Why would you try to change that?"

"Because I drink root beer a lot, and Brittany said you think root beer tastes weird."

At this point, Kurt's laughter was uncontrollable. "Blaine, love, I thought _Brittany _with her root beer flavored _lip gloss_ tasted weird. I don't care if _you_ taste like root beer…I like _you_." His laughter had faded, leaving behind a timid blush.

"Wow…really?" Blaine smiled with amazement.

Kurt whacked him on the arm. "Yes, really, dummy! Let this be a lesson to you—do you ever take Brittany's logic literally?"

"No, Kurt…"

"There we go. Now, pop in some gum, and _then_ you may kiss me." Eager to do so, Blaine fished more of his handy-dandy Stride out of his back picket before leaning down again. "At least you didn't try to make yourself taste like armpit…" Kurt murmured.  
>"Sorry, what?"<p>

"Nothing, love. Now kiss me."


End file.
